Ah, Greek Week - a long and storied tradition that dates back to the Middle Ages, when groups of hairy men known as "crusaders" ran around in packs and volunteered to build straw huts for the less fortunate.Oh, before you ask - Beta Theta Pi.
And by "build straw huts," I actually meant "burned witches and heretics and asparagus," because, as everyone knows, if there's anything people in the Middle Ages hated more than witches, it was asparagus.
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Sound horrible? It most definitely is, but it's nothing compared to the recent actions of several sororities. Thanks to an anonymous tip from my roommate's brother George, this investigative reporter has uncovered some shocking news: just a few days ago, an unknown number of sorority girls did the unthinkable - they went to a club and (gasp) partied.
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They also volunteer their time for other worthwhile pursuits. Recently I was made aware of a new organization founded by several fraternity brothers: the Save-A-Keg Foundation. Basically what these kind, considerate souls do is go around town on the weekends collecting half-empty kegs and "disposing" of them.
To think: before this charity existed, gallons upon gallons of perfectly good, untapped beer were simply wasted. For shame!
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You could take just about any big company, like, I don't know, Enron, and a little research reveals that, yes, its CEO Kenneth Lay was a fraternity president.
What went wrong with him, you ask? Easy. He didn't burn enough asparagus.
Greek life never fails to amaze - Not News
Technorati tags: satire, fraternity
