Housemother gives KU’s Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity a touch of home

Housemother gives KU’s Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity a touch of home - KansasCity.com:

BY DUGAN ARNETT

The Kansas City Star

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2014/05/04/4997970/for-fraternity-house-mom-its-all.html#storylink=cpy

At the moment, she was cutting flowers for the dining room in preparation for that evening’s dinner, but at alternate times over the next couple of hours, she would meet with a vending machine representative, refill her candy dishes, check on the temperature in one of the house’s sitting rooms and retrieve a patched-up pair of jeans for one of her boys.

“As you can see,” she said between chores, “my job consists of mom-like things.”

Company is the housemother at Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity at the University of Kansas, a smiling, joking presence who, when not overseeing the various tasks around the house, is charged with keeping tabs on the 95 testosterone-infused young men who fill the building and nearby annexes.

For the past eight years, she has served as the lone maternal presence inside the big house at 1645 Tennessee St. in Lawrence: taking sick fraternity members soup, teaching them to use a washing machine and generally filling in for the dozens of mothers who are unable to regularly look after their sons once they leave for college.

Company is one of almost 30 housemothers on the KU campus who fill a long-standing Greek life tradition. And with Mother’s Day quickly approaching, it seems like the perfect time to recognize this unusual kind of “mom.”

“I can’t fathom sending my kids there without Sally,” said Tammy Thomas, who has served as president of the Mom’s Club and has sent two children through SigEp.

Today, the job comes as naturally as breathing for Company.

She’s a constant stream of motion, checking on this, looking into that, making sure the boys know her door is always open.

A decade ago, however, it would have been hard to imagine this life.

Have you met Mom Sandy? | OU SigEp

Have you met Mom Sandy? | OU SigEp:

HAVE YOU MET MOM SANDY?

April 27, 2013

Mom Sandy
May 2006 – Current

Only those who have pulled an all-nighter in the SigEp dining room know just how early Sandra Fisher wakes up every morning to get the house ready for the day. Every weekday for the last seven years she’s made sure the breakfast bar is stocked and ready, milk is in the fridge, the dining room is clean, and the stack of campus newspapers is brought in off of the front porch ready to read with breakfast.

“Being a House Director is a calling.  It takes heart, logic, nerves of steel and occasionally ear plugs,” Sandy said as she described her life in the SigEp house.

As 84 fraternity men move in and out of the house throughout the day, Mom Sandy works closely with the food service, keeping the items stocked and menu filled with healthy choices. On game day Saturdays she orders the food, places the tablecloths and decorations, and works with kitchen staff and membership to set up the house for the festivities parents and alumni enjoy. She makes sure the house is presentable, the trash is taken out and most importantly that men who live there are safe.

Being a House Director is a calling. It takes heart, logic, nerves of steel and occasionally ear plugs.

Not unlike most mothers, Mom Sandy’s work often goes unnoticed. But her apartment on the first floor of SigEp is always open if anyone needs a listening ear or some motherly advice.

Prior to joining SigEp in May of 2006, Sandy raised three children of her own and worked as a respiratory therapist for 20 years. Now she is glad to focus her energy on the men who live in house, making their experience as memorable and as safe as possible.

“I like knowing I am providing a home away from home atmosphere for the members,” Said Sandy.

She is as proud of her boys as any of their mom’s at home and it is though to see them move on when they graduate and move away.

“Even though they move on with their lives they always have a special place in my heart.  Being part of Sigma Phi Epsilon has enriched my life more than I could have ever imagined.”

To learn more about Mom Sandy, click here.

To contact, you can email her at momsandy.sigep[at]gmail.com

UT (Tennessee) report: Put directors in frat houses

After the notorious "butt-chugging" incident made the UT fraternity system fodder for the late-night comedians, the university put together a task force to find ways to improve. They released their report a few days ago.

One "solution" sounds like mandating "Housemothers/fathers" or RAs for the fraternity houses. I wonder how that would work? Having a "political officer" who reports to the administration leaves a bad taste in my mouth. However, the idea of posting academic performance and ranking online, plus philanthropy activity AND chapter violations may have some merit. A time honored management principle is "you get what you measure". Keeping track of those types of metrics, and perhaps using them as a basis for a prestigious award, could be a powerful incentive. We all know how well that works for intramural sports and Homecoming activities.
What do you think? Is this a workable plan? here is a link to the University of Tennessee press release - you can get to the full report from there.

UT report: Put directors in frat houses | timesfreepress.com:

KNOXVILLE — A committee at the University of Tennessee has proposed remedies for rowdiness that made the campus the subject of late-night TV comedy.

The Knoxville News Sentinel reported the committee’s recommendations include full-time directors living in fraternity houses, amnesty for drunken students and their friends when seeking medical help and the online posting of sanctions against fraternities and sororities.

“Alcohol, for this age group, is and will continue to be our biggest issue. It is the root of most of our crimes,” said UT Police Chief Troy Lane. “There obviously was an issue that made us all kind of decide enough is enough. But we’re really not dealing with anything that any other college isn't dealing with.”

The 11-page report released Thursday comes nearly six months after a Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity member was brought to UT Hospital dangerously drunk. Police reports blamed the incident on a wine enema, which garnered national attention. That chapter and, later, the Phi Gamma Delta chapter have shut down at UT.

The 25-member task force was formed to find solutions to poor behavior among fraternities. Members include the UT police chief, students, alumni, faculty and staff. The chairman is local attorney Thomas Hale. The group met about every other week to form its recommendations.

The group found that 14 fraternities were sanctioned 30 times in the last five years, tallying 68 violations that include alcohol abuse, physical abuse, hazing and nudity.

Some of the task force recommendations are immediately moving forward, including expanding the university’s Greek recognition system. In addition to online listing of fraternities’ and sororities’ cumulative grade point averages and philanthropy work, the information will now include chapter violations.

Jeff Cathey, associate dean of students, said the university expects at least some fraternities to move quickly to add live-in advisers.

Also among the task force recommendations is the adoption of new educational programs for fraternities and sororities on hazing, managing risk, substance abuse and the code of conduct. The group also wants to review how effective and consistent campus rule enforcement is.

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House Mother Brightens IU Sig Eps Lives

House mom adjusts to frat life
Danielle Patras

Patricia Lockwood, live-in house mom of the Sigma Phi Epsilon, right, sits and talks with sophomore Cory Mason on Wednesday afternoon at the Sigma Phi Epsilon house. Lockwood spends time talking with the men in the house, many of whom admit sneaking Tootisie Pops from the bowl next to her door.

Chris Pickrell • IDS

Southwestern knick-knacks are scattered among novels on tan bookshelves. A cactus in the window is the perfect accent to the stucco pink walls and matching plush couch.

This is not your typical frat house bedroom. This is not your typical frat house resident.

This is the bedroom of Patricia Lockwood, the live-in house mom with Sigma Phi Epsilon. Seven fraternities at IU have house moms, but she is the only one who actually lives in the fraternity house, Lockwood said.

This is Lockwood’s first year living in the fraternity. Although she has been a house mom at various sororities since 1991, she said the transition to living with college-age males has been smooth.“It’s been relatively easy because they’ve all been so open,” Lockwood said. “I feel respected. I feel loved. I feel like a real mom.”

One member of the fraternity said it is easy to be open with Lockwood because she is such a good addition to the house.

“She’s just very good guidance after a stressful week,” said sophomore Doug Snyder.

Because the fraternity is new to the house and many renovations are taking place, Lockwood assisted in many of the house director roles. This includes seeing that the house runs efficiently, supervising the budget and acting as hostess for events involving parents or alumni.

“The house director has many hats to wear,” she said. “Sometimes it is difficult to be effective.

”While Lockwood’s role is not designed to be that of house director, she assists other members in their responsibilities.

Members with leadership roles are in charge of major functions of the house like communication or the kitchen. Lockwood helps guide these managers in their roles.

“I just keep everyone informed and up-to-date,” she said. “The guys here really take their responsibilities seriously.”

On a daily basis, Lockwood focuses on staying ahead of schedule. She balances clerical work, communication between members of the house and spending time bonding with the members.“There is no typical day,” Lockwood said.

“I eat lunch and dinner there, but what happens in between is up for grabs.”

Lockwood has grandchildren older than the members of the house, so keeping up with the high-energy, chaotic lives of college men can be exhausting. She has learned to recognize when she needs to step back and take some time for herself.

“I just get tired enough, and suddenly I say to myself, ‘It’s time to go to a movie,’” she said.

Before becoming involved with greek life, Lockwood earned a degree in elementary education and had jobs in interior design and with an airline.

“One day, I just found that I had to narrow down into a career,” Lockwood said.

A career counselor suggested she look into being a house director, because of her experience raising her four daughters, nine grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

Lockwood wasn’t greek in college, and neither were any of her children. But now that her daughters have grown up and moved away to various parts of the country, she can see the benefits of greek life.

“I see the advantage of the greek system being that you have a home – it can be a feeling of family,” she said.

Although she is from a different generation than the men in the house, Lockwood keeps up with the times to try to relate to the brothers.

“You can’t get stuck in the past and expect to have any rapport with the young people you are living with,” she said.

In the past 15 years, Lockwood lived in sororities at the University of Denver, the University of Arizona, Northwestern University and, most recently, Chi Omega at IU.

Lockwood noted there is a big difference between living with a house full of women and living with a house full of men.“Guys are more overt,” she said. “They yell at each other and get their feelings out, while girls have been taught to play nice.”

Showing their feelings, though, is not always negative. Senior Brian Burkhammer, chaplain of the fraternity, said Lockwood is a great feminine influence in the house.“She’s always someone you can go talk to if something’s not going well,” Burkhammer said. “In a house full of guys, that’s nice.”

Lockwood has no reservations about making the fraternity part of her family.“Who doesn’t want to get hugged three or four times a day?” she said.

Lockwood has taken heart to being the mother figure for the group, and she feels the boys have bonded with her as well. They will stop by and visit her in her room whenever the door is open and sit at her table to chat with her at dinner.“I just have to pinch myself,” she said. “I love it here.”

Housemothers Bring Real World to Frat House

Frat housemother at SMU loves serving Pi
By CAITLIN MYERS

The bass of a neighbor's stereo thumped against the thin walls of Lila McCurtain's apartment. Deep voices shouted profanities outside her window. A car alarm went off.

Lila McCurtain, 76, is one of only four fraternity moms left at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. For the past seven years, she has lived year-round at the Pi Kappa Alpha house on campus. She's been called a 'new school' version of housemothers.

Oblivious to the chaos, Ms. McCurtain calmly crossed her legs and leaned forward in her turquoise workout ensemble, preparing to demonstrate how she relaxes people for hypnosis. It's one of her many interests.

"If you want tranquility," she said, "you have to forget all that other stuff."

Ms. McCurtain, 76, lives inside a fraternity house – and likes it. As housemother to the Pi Kappa Alpha chapter at Southern Methodist University, she deals daily with loud music, empty beer cans and an endless supply of testosterone.

"This is best job I've ever had, hands down," she said. "I get to experience all the fun things about college without having to actually go to class."

Ms. McCurtain is part of a dying breed. At SMU, only four of the nine frats with campus housing employ housemothers. The others use male house directors, usually graduate students closer in age to the fraternity members.

That's probably the case elsewhere, fraternity officials said. Brandon Weghorst, a spokesman for the national office of Sigma Alpha Epsilon, attributed the drop to several factors, including tight finances at local chapters and a dwindling applicant pool for the job.

Ms. McCurtain remained at the frat house when students returned home for the summer and will welcome them back in the fall.

Perks of the job include an apartment in the fraternity house, chef-prepared meals and a salary she wouldn't reveal, except to say it is "adequate for [her] needs."
Her first-floor apartment is stuffed with the trappings of her many interests: racks of sequined ball gowns, family photographs and a Total Body Gym, for starters.

People who know her say the unconventional job suits her well. This, after all, is a woman who on her 50th birthday created a list of things she wants to accomplish each year to make sure she stays active.

Goal No. 21 was to become a housemother. And after seven years on the job, she has no plans to leave.

Ms. McCurtain decided to try the job at the suggestion of her son Monte, who was in a fraternity at the University of Oklahoma. She had recently retired as a rehabilitation counselor at age 66.

"I thought my mom would be a good housemother because she has spent her whole life being a good mother to all those around her," her son said.

Nate Harris, chef at the Pike house for nearly 12 years, describes Ms. McCurtain as the "new school" version of housemothers.

"She relates to them on their level, about issues that really matter to them," he said.

Those issues include sex. Pike members say Ms. McCurtain candidly advises them on healthy and responsible sexual behavior, lessons that can come at the dinner table or through her short stories and poems that circulate around the fraternity house.

"The idea of talking about such private stuff with 'Mom' was a little weird at first," 21-year-old Pike member David Dines said. "But it's actually nice having someone other than guys to talk with if we need to."

One of Ms. McCurtain's passions is ballroom dancing. She hones her tango and waltz weekly at community centers and dance clubs around the Dallas-Fort Worth area, often wearing one of her lavish gowns.

She then lends her expertise to fraternity members in annual lessons because, she said, she's never been a fan of the "belly-rubbing" dance moves practiced by many of today's college students.

"When I was a pledge freshman year, she taught us how to ballroom dance, which at the time was not very useful," Mr. Dines said. "But, I'm sure someday I will be thankful I know how to do it."

Ms. McCurtain has coached the Pikes in many areas, from traditional etiquette to autohypnosis (it helps improve grades, she said). Members of the fraternity consider her a valuable role model.

"Whenever we are tense about anything or stressed out with school, we know we can sit down with her at dinner, and she will lighten the mood with one of her many stories," said Henry Weiler, 21.

Ms. McCurtain said the fraternity members have taught her some along the way, as well.

"My men are totally awesome," she said. "They have taught me that it's OK to be messy. And I now know how to stay up late."

Caitlin Myers is a freelance writer and a student at Southern Methodist University.

SMU House Mom - Go Mom Go!

76-year-old fraternity house mom teaches ballroom dancing and sexual enlightenment
By Caitlin Myers, Contributing Writer

Plucker's chicken bones, Styrofoam to-go boxes and what looks to be the remains of someone's accounting textbook litter the path to her apartment. Apologizing, she tiptoes around the mess, but says don't expect her to clean it up. "I'm not the one who has to pay for the damages," Lila McCurtain said once she's inside the SMU Pi Kappa Alpha house, whose hallways reek of the weekend's festivities.

After all, she's the fraternity's house mother - not its maid. She's the woman who provides, among other things, ballroom dancing lessons, sexual enlightenment and hypnosis to more than 100 fraternity members. But she is definitely not a maid.

And she's part of a dying breed. Of the nine Interfraternity Council chapters on campus, only four house mothers remain. Since the fall of 2005, SMU's Greek system has been slowly replacing these long-time staples of fraternity row with "graduate Greek house directors," a group of younger, male graduate students employed and trained by the university.

Sigma Chi, Phi Delta Theta, Kappa Alpha Order and Pi Kappa Alpha are the only houses still utilizing female house directors.

"Respect for the house mother position has kind of gone away," Ryan Williams, coordinator of Student Activities and Greek Affairs, said. "It takes a very special person to do this job well."

McCurtain more than fits the bill. The divorced mother of three grown sons (and seven grandchildren) says she's not here to baby-sit. She came to the PIKE house nearly seven years ago after some convincing from her youngest son, Monte, a Greek alumnus from the University of Oklahoma. When asked by one of her men's mothers during Parent's Weekend if she took good care of her son, McCurtain replied with a prompt, "No."

"I told her that one day, when her son lives in the real world, he will probably have a wife and children and will have to take care of them," McCurtain said. "So, I am giving him an opportunity to practice by taking care of me."

Don't mistake her frankness and practicality for a lack of compassion, though. She says that's a common misconception about her Chinese zodiac sign, the monkey. "We monkeys are often considered insensitive, but that's just because we are the active sign of the zodiac," she said. "We're fast moving and have high energy."

At 76, McCurtain makes an effort to ballroom dance five nights a week at various community centers around the Dallas-Fort Worth area. When she's not waltzing, she likes to tone up with the Total Body Gym that sits in the middle of her living room. "No other house mom is like ours," junior PIKE member Curtis Edenfield said. "She gets all dressed up and tries to teach us her ballroom dancing skills. It's awesome.

"A tour of her tiny, first-floor apartment inside the PIKE house (one of the job's perks, along with an undisclosed salary from the fraternity) reveals her passions in life: several rolling racks of feathers, sequins and satin ball gowns, elephant figurines and family photographs, a Ms. Congeniality Award from the 1994 Ms. Senior Texas Pageant, where she was also the first runner-up.

"That's me from a long, long time ago," she said, pointing to a black and white photograph of herself hanging above the desk. "Eighteen years old. Back when I was a brunette."

She's proud of her soft, wavy blonde bob now. She cuts and bleaches it herself. She's gone through every hairstyle imaginable, even enduring the pain of the frosting phenomenon.

But it was her naturally brown locks that taught her a lot growing up in McAlester, Okla. As the "mousy brunette" in a family of blonde sisters and an athletic brother, McCurtain quickly learned that to get noticed she had to bring something else to the table.

So she started dancing. On her father's feet, in the country town's one-room schoolhouse, McCurtain learned to foxtrot and two-step. By the time she was a teenager, the boys chose her over her sisters because, well, she could "dance the pants" off that one-room schoolhouse.

When she's not dancing, she substitute teaches for the Carrollton-Farmers Branch school district. With what free time she has left, she enjoys writing, especially love poems and short stories. Inspiration comes from her own life, and she often wakes up in the middle of the night to jot down a new prose.

She shuffles through piles of papers and video tapes and produces a bound, cardstock calendar entitled "Alpha Males 2008." She sells these homemade calendars for $20 a piece, with the proceeds going toward building and maintaining an orphanage that her son Monte setup in Zambia, Africa.

Inside, each month features men from 21 to 75 years old "who are successful in every area of their lives" and "above all, they know how to treat a woman." Six of her fraternity men fill the pages; the rest include dance partners, friends and family.

Junior PIKE member Clark Lundy is Mr. February. His photo is accompanied by one of McCurtain's original poems, "Tethered to Your Heart."

We can't forget about the other months, though, McCurtain points out. Junior Jonny "Red Beard" Morgans is Mr. August. Beneath his picture, McCurtain writes, "He may pirate your heart." Then, flipping back several pages, there's junior pledge brother David Dines, better known as Mr. July: "Tennis is his game; if you're a match, love is his goal," reads his description.

It's hard to imagine the stereotypical fraternity guy willingly participating in such a testament to romance. However, the PIKE men say it's the least they can do for Mom."She's done so much for us," Dines said. "So, we try to help her out whenever she needs us."It is this mutual respect between a tough-love kind of mom and her sons that has kept McCurtain at the PIKE house year after year.

Despite a national trend toward more male mentorship in fraternities, this chapter's members couldn't imagine their house without Mom."We're her boys," Lundy said. "Each year she gets a whole new set of us to watch over. And she's completely selfless, even offering up her own racks of costumes to us for Halloween.

I love knowing that years from now I can come back to this house and Mom will still be here."Likewise, her men have told her she only need knock three times on her apartment wall before someone comes to her aid. "My men, they really do take care of me," McCurtain said. "They're totally awesome."

While her poems and short stories have drawn a cult-like following within the house, McCurtain said it is her lessons in sexuality that rank most popular. As a retired psychotherapist for a physical rehabilitation hospital, she taught sexuality to quadriplegics and patients with traumatic brain injuries. Next to them, frat guys must be a synch.

"I tell them, 'Today, I am not your house mom; I am your Dutch uncle. So, feel free to ask me anything you like,'" she said. "If I don't know the answer, and one of their older brothers doesn't know either, we will research it in the library.

"Rounding out her skills, McCurtain also offers hypnosis, a talent she happened to pick up at a traveling workshop. Her goal is for the fraternity members to improve their grades through autohypnosis, a technique she herself uses to drown out the slamming doors and rap music of her men's late-night partying.

"When else would I ever have the opportunity to meet a woman like this?" Lundy said. "She has experience in so many different areas, it's unbelievable."On her 50th birthday, McCurtain made a pact with herself to accomplish something new each year. At the rate she's going, she said there are only a few things left to check off her list, and she's saving the best for last."When I go, I'll be 100 years old, on the French Rivera, in bed with a strange man," she said.

"You see, I've been to the Rivera plenty of times, but never in bed with a strange man, so that's kind of the final frontier."